I wish my penis had an off switch
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
