Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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