what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
