DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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