hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
