its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
COCAINE IS GR8
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
