So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
