oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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