Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
