38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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