happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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