last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
