I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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