weddingsv make me drug and hornr
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
