I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
