If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
