Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
There r osticjed everywhere
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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