nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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