the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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