I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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