i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize