if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
foreskin is a definite game changer
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
