At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
