Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
