Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
