Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
