"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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