there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
