you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
