The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
