I cannot find my penis.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
