I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
