I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
