oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize