She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
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