did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
