I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
