I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize