I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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