go do what you do best...puke behind churches
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
