and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
