I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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