her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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