if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
