Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
