thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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