you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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