Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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