dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
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For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
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What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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