worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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