is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
