you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize