So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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