I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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