Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
