The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
