Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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