I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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