it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
